The Battle After Surrender
The Devil is Relentless in his Pursuit of you - Beware!
The tug was real. The tension was almost unbearable. I had been living in the Word for weeks, soaking it in. Surrounding myself with good people. Listening to wholesome music. Having constant conversations with the Lord. I was doing my best to keep my heart and mind focused on Him. Yet, in this moment, I could feel the pull. I felt the enemy lurking, trying to get a foothold. It was spiritual warfare happening right inside me. I kept reminding myself that the Lord had something better in store for me. People to influence, a book in the works, and two children relying on me to be a godly mother. I knew what mattered. I knew the purpose God had placed on my life. But knowing those things didn't make the struggle any less real.
For three weeks, I took a sabbatical from posting journal entries. Instead, I focused on my relationship with the Lord. Just He and I. My prayers had become more like conversations with Him, but throughout those three weeks, one prayer became my constant refrain: “Lord, get into my thoughts.”
I needed Him in the middle of the struggle. I needed His guidance when my thoughts felt tangled. I wanted Him in my thoughts, my decisions, my struggles, and every moment when I felt the tug pulling me away from the path I knew He had for me.
If you've been following my story, thank you. While this is my story, you too, Dear Reader, have your own story. Maybe your story and my story vary, or maybe your story is in a completely different chapter than mine. Regardless of where you are in your journey, I hope something in my story speaks to you.
In my journal entry entitled “He Will Help Rewrite Your Story,” I shared a quick checklist of the steps I took following my repentance. Here is what I wrote:
Stop. Be still. Name it. Repent. Open the Word. Pray for clarity. Listen for the Holy Spirit—refer to my prior journal entry to help discern His voice. Seek godly counsel and faithful fellowship. Remove whatever keeps pulling you back. Surrender again and again, every moment of every day.
The journal entries that followed took a deeper dive into my experiences with each of those steps. There is just one remaining: surrender again and again, every moment of every day.
Don’t Expect Perfection Following Surrender
Don't expect perfection following surrender. You will still face struggles. The tug may still be there. You may stumble. But don't let one slipup derail you from the path the Lord has in store for you.
Acknowledge it. Bring it to the Lord. Repent, refocus, and surrender again. Don't allow one moment of weakness to convince you that all your progress is lost. One stumble doesn't have to define your story. Get back up and keep moving forward with Him.
We are not immune to the enemy lurking. We are not immune to temptation or testing. Even when we are immersed in God's Word, surrounded by good people, and intentional about our relationship with the Lord, we can still find ourselves in a struggle. Following the Lord doesn't mean we will never face a battle. It means we need to keep turning to Him when we do.
Interestingly, as I was working through these thoughts, I finally made it through the book of Numbers. Wow! The Israelites seemed like such a stubborn people. I kept reading and thinking to myself, “Are you serious?” as if I were speaking directly to them. How could they continue to doubt the Lord after everything He had done for them? How could they keep turning away after witnessing His faithfulness time and time again?
Then I quickly realized that I favored them more than I should have. Why was I so quick to judge them when I, too, have struggled to trust the Lord? How often do we do the very same thing? The Lord has shown us His faithfulness, provided for us, guided us, and answered our prayers. Yet, when things don't go the way we expect, we become impatient, doubtful, or distracted. We forget what He has already done for us.
Insights Into the Personality of the Lord
Then I came across the Lord’s words in Numbers 14:11: “How long will these people treat me with contempt? How long will they refuse to believe in me in spite of all the signs I have performed among them?”
Wow. The Lord was angry and grieved by the Israelites’ continued disbelief, despite all He had done for them. His words remind us that God is personal. He has feelings, a will, and a desire for a relationship with us.
Interestingly, I’m reading a book entitled “Holy Spirit: God Within You”, which says, “So the Holy Spirit has a voice, a will, feelings…. He is personal.”
Doesn’t that hit home? The Lord isn’t distant or disconnected from us. He wants to share in the good, the bad, and the ugly. He wants our trust, our prayers, our honesty, and our hearts. Our choices matter to Him because He loves us.
And just like the Israelites, we sometimes struggle to trust Him, even after experiencing His faithfulness. We stumble, become distracted, and feel the pull of things we know we need to leave behind. But don't let a slipup derail you. Repent, refocus, and surrender again.
Dear Reader, if my story resonates with you, take heart. Keep seeking the Lord, even when the struggle feels overwhelming. He wants a relationship with you, not just in your victories but in your battles, too. Invite Him into your thoughts and every part of your life.
Your story isn't over. Trust Him with the chapters still unwritten. And if the devil is chasing you, then keep your eyes focused because there are BIG plans for your life.
A Personal Note
I’ve asked an AI bot to put together a quick reference guide for those who may be coming out of a season of brokenness, which outlines my personal roadmap that I’ve written about in my journal entries. You can find it below. The content shared in this blog, along with the roadmap below, has become the foundation for my book, The Cross I Didn’t Choose, where I dive deeper into the meaning behind this memoir title.
What I’ve been through in my life, and what the Lord has done for me through it all, is too good of a story to keep to myself. As difficult as some of those seasons have been, I believe there is purpose in sharing them. And so, I share my experiences in hopes of helping someone who may be walking through a similar season, wondering how they’re going to make it to the other side.
Through these posts, I’ve connected with so many people who have opened up and shared their own stories with me. Their experiences have been a reminder that none of us are truly alone in our struggles.
And I want you to know this: YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Every single one of us carries something. We’ve all been through something, are going through something, or have been affected by someone else’s struggles. You may not always see it, and you may not always feel comfortable talking about it, but brokenness is something we all understand in one way or another.
But brokenness doesn't have to be the end of your story. THERE IS HOPE. And I pray that as I continue to share mine, you’ll be reminded of that truth in your own life.
Ashley’s Recommended Resources for seasons of Brokenness
Bible: Numbers 14
Book: Holy Spirit: God Within You, David Diga Hernandez
Music Playlist Selection:
Disclaimer: This article was self-written and not the product of AI. Any use of dashes was intentionally placed by the author.