The Cross I Didn’t Choose
ABOUT
My name is Ashley McPhail and I live in the deep South with my husband, two children, and our furry friend Beagle mix, “Rosie Marie”. At 43 years old, I publicly professed Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior.
That likely caught many by surprise. After all, I grew up in church, was raised by two deeply godly parents, treated others with kindness, attended services regularly, and kept a bookcase full of Christian non‑fiction (I could probably recite large portions of several volumes). I wasn’t a troublemaker in my community, often chatted about Jesus in casual conversations, and always enjoyed participating in a good “Sunday School” debate on most topics. (Oh my word - do you see how I’m keeping a checklist of all the “right” things?)
There was a wide gap between my intellectual understanding of how things ought to work and my actual, surrendered submission to the Lord to make them work. The ends did not meet.
For nearly 25 years I have wrestled with a personal struggle. I have carried this weight on my own and on August 9, 2026, through a series of events God brought me to my knees, and I finally surrendered everything to Him vowing there would be no turning back. I realized that giving in to struggle and living a hidden life of sin may feel good for a time, but it never truly satisfies.
Paul the Apostle speaks of a “thorn in the flesh,” but Scripture does not explain exactly what that thorn was. Speculation is abundant, but the Bible leaves its nature unclear. I believe everyone carries a thorn; which is a persistent struggle placed in our lives to draw us closer to the Lord and to require complete dependence on Him. From my own struggle with sin, I’ve seen that when we fail to rely on the Lord, that thorn can grow into a thorn bush: because sin never truly satisfies, indulging it only increases the appetite for more sin and deepens our bondage. The thorn’s purpose, therefore, is corrective and sanctifying and meant to humble us, to teach reliance on Christ, and to steer us toward lasting freedom rather than fleeting pleasure.
Thank you for being here. My heart’s desire for you, dear reader, is that you would see and take the steps necessary to turn completely from sin and turn wholly toward the Lord. I want you to be encouraged: there is a clear way and a gracious plan to reclaim your life and live in a manner that pleases Him.
Unlike many writers and influencers who tell their story after the fact, I will share snapshots of my healing and pursuit of the Lord as they unfold. I do not want a label, nor do I seek financial gain from what I share. I am simply a saved sinner who must press a nail into my thorn each day, take up my cross, and follow Him. It’s not easy. But I’m determined.
“Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.”